


Lost and Found

by TheDoctorIsIcecube



Series: Class 'Bonus Scenes' [4]
Category: Class (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s01e05 Brave-Ish Heart, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:43:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorIsIcecube/pseuds/TheDoctorIsIcecube
Summary: After everything is done, Charlie is left with the memory of what he almost did. Matteusz is there to help, but still everything hurts.





	1. In the Evening

Charlie knew he'd made the right decision in the end, but that still didn't make it any better. He'd put Matteusz's life in danger, he'd almost used the Cabinet, almost destroyed the souls of all of his people. He...wasn't exactly in the best of moods after it was all over.

He couldn't work out exactly how he felt, even. He looked around and everything was fine. People were dazed, confused, even terrified, but he knew they'd forget. He envied them. He couldn't forget.

Quill seemed determined to hide from him, and Charlie wondered if she'd allowed herself to cry for once. She'd come close, when she was shouting in his face about avenging his people, but Charlie severely doubted she'd allow herself to be emotional in front of him any more than that.

He felt awful, though he knew she was wrong and he was right. She was wrong, she had to be wrong, she'd always been wrong. But now he felt terrible and it was as if she was right. But that wasn't the feeling either.

He didn't eat that evening, no matter how hard Matteusz tried to persuade him. The thought of food was just...impossible when he felt so conflicted.

"I'm not hungry," he said the moment Matteusz mentioned eating. Matteusz's cooking was very good, but he just didn't feel like it. "It's probably from the blood earlier." There'd been a body when they opened the door.

Matteusz accepted that the first time, but half an hour later, he seemed a little less unwilling to give up. Charlie still refused, and eventually he just went upstairs and went to bed. There was no chance he'd sleep, but he couldn't face Matteusz's concern any longer.

After an hour, Matteusz started to quietly get ready for bed, probably presuming that he was already asleep. He'd been lying there, unable to sleep and unable to cry, but Matteusz didn't need to know that.

Charlie felt Matteusz slide into bed behind him, carefully wrapping arms around him and resting against his shoulder. "I love you," Charlie heard him murmur. "Hopefully you are better in the morning..."

He wanted to be better now. He wanted to tell Matteusz that he loved him too, but he felt utterly frozen. There was nothing he could do and he still didn't think he would be able to sleep.

He felt Matteusz sigh, the sudden warmth against the back of his neck making him shiver. Charlie cursed internally, because now Matteusz would have realised that he wasn't asleep. "Charlie?" He couldn't reply verbally, but he reached out for Matteusz's hand. Matteusz just pressed closer, silent for a moment before speaking. "Are you okay?"

Charlie shook his head immediately. If there was one thing he was certain of, it was that he wasn't okay. How could he possibly be okay at a time like this?

"I am here," he said softly, his embrace growing slightly tighter. "I am always here."

Charlie couldn't help it; he let out a sob, shifting himself in Matteusz's grip to face him and clinging to him in return. He didn't want Matteusz to see him cry, but really...he had no choice.

"Is okay," he said, bringing his hands up to Charlie's hair. His voice sounded sad and it just made him feel worse. He ruined everything for Matteusz and he hadn't even been sure about whether to save him or not.

"It's not okay," Charlie said quietly, sounding utterly defeated. "You...you should run and hide from me and never talk to me again. I could have killed you..."

"You did not have to," Matteusz said. "I'm here now, you don't have to worry. It is in the past."

"I don't know what I'm doing..." The admission was quiet, mumbled against the side of Matteusz's neck, but still just about audible. It hurt to think such a thing, hurt his pride, but it was true. He was just a mess, nothing more.

"You do not have to," he said. However comforting it was, however much his words made sense, Charlie just couldn't feel secure again. He clung a little tighter to Matteusz, taking some small comfort in the warmth and strength that he felt. At least he had the rest of the night to spend here in Matteusz's arms, even if he did feel terrible.

"You are wonderful, Charlie," he said, and Charlie felt a kiss being pressed to his forehead again. Just like earlier. Just like when there had been people dying outside while he debated whether humans were worth saving or not.

"I'm really not," he said. "I'm not as wonderful as you think. I'm not a good person, Matteusz..." Charlie sighed, pulled his face free of Matteusz's shoulder to face him properly. "I don't deserve you."

"You deserve everything," he said. "But even if you didn't, I would love you anyway."

"I love you too." Charlie couldn't think of anything to say but that, self-loathing exhausted and beaten down by the constant kind words from Matteusz. "So much..."

"We can talk about it tomorrow," he said. "For now you need to sleep." Even as Matteusz said it, Charlie could feel that he was drifting off. He was so exhausted after crying. Matteusz lifted a hand to rest Charlie's head against his shoulder, gently stroking through his hair. Charlie knew he was still saying things quietly, but they weren't in English, and he couldn't be bothered to try and translate them.


	2. Then the Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie wakes up but the night before still isn't gone.

Charlie woke up still pressed against Matteusz's shoulder. He knew it was early by the fact that no light was shining through his curtains yet, but nonetheless, he started to carefully extricate himself from his boyfriend's embrace.

As usual, the moment he attempted this, Matteusz started to wake up with his usual obnoxiously loud, tired noises. "Shh," Charlie said, pressing a kiss to his nose, "you can go back to sleep."

A few more obnoxiously loud noises, followed by a five second long yawn, and then Matteusz's eyes opened. "'M awake now...are you better this morning?"

Charlie shook his head. He was less tired than before, but that was all. He still felt awful, he still felt sad, he still wanted to pour acid in his eyes and forget everything that ever happened to him.

"Charlie..." Matteusz wrapped him in a hug, an almost crushingly tight one, and then kissed him firmly on the lips. "Do not feel sad. You did not hurt anybody..."

"I'm sorry," he managed, and then he couldn't stop the tears from coming again. Every time he thought about it he just remembered the body of the man on the street, scraps of bloodied flesh remaining on a skeleton. No more than that. A pile of clothes and blood and bones.

"None of the hurt that happened yesterday was your fault." Matteusz didn't let go, and Charlie felt bad for crying on his shoulder but he couldn't help himself. "Please...what can I do to help?"

Charlie wanted to say that Matteusz should leave him so he was safer. Leave him so there wasn't all of this. But he was selfish and he couldn't. Somewhere, he felt as if he deserved to have a reward for his suffering, and Matteusz was his reward. So instead he just clung on tightly until the tears slowed to an occasional sob, took a deep breath, and leaned in for a kiss. He just needed distracting, surely that would help.

Matteusz kissed him quickly and then pulled away. "I think you need something else now," he said. "Kisses are nice but not healing."

Charlie tried to protest, and then thought better of it. Matteusz had said no, so that meant he wouldn't get any further, no matter how hard he tried. "I don't know what is healing though," he said sadly.

"When I was younger," Matteusz said, "my dog died and I was very sad. I talked to people about it and I got better. I don't think it would work with this, though."

"I don't want to talk about it," Charlie murmured. "I want to forget it ever happened...I almost killed all of my people. And...I almost killed you."

"It happened," he said firmly, lowering his chin slightly so his eyes met Charlie's. "It happened and it won't go away."

"I almost killed everyone I've ever known or cared about..." Tears were springing to his eyes again, and Charlie furiously wiped them away. "I don't want to lose you..."

"What is the average Rhodian lifespan?" Matteusz asked suddenly. "That's how long we'll be together."

"I-it's about the same as a human one, give or take a few years..." Charlie looked up at Matteusz, and a tiny smile broke through the pain clouding his face. "You really mean that?"

"Yes," Matteusz said. "I will never leave you." He brought his hands up to gently cup Charlie's face. He quickly wiped a few tears from his face.

"I love you..." Charlie leaned in for another kiss, this one less desperate than the last. Matteusz always knew what to say. Always. Charlie had no idea how, but he was glad for it.

"I love you too," he said. "And we will get through this together. I promise."

"Can we just spend the morning together?" Charlie pulled back a little, flashing a hopeful smile at Matteusz. "I don't want to get out of bed."

"Of course," Matteusz smiled back and, even if it would only be this morning, Charlie felt like everything could be okay.

"I don't tell you enough how wonderful you are," he said, leaning in for another kiss before Matteusz could blush and deny any claims of his amazingness. They'd be okay, safe together. They'd be fine.


End file.
